


Leather & Embers

by serenaluna



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Rewrite, Canon Universe, Eventual Romance, F/M, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:41:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25319245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenaluna/pseuds/serenaluna
Summary: Did I just get THE candle at Target? Yes. Is this whole fic inspired by a single candle? Yes. Is this the first fic I've written in about two years? Yes.--Juno doesn't remember much. Her dreams are her only outlet into the past she has forgotten, but they're vague glimpses--red clay steppes, a tent on fire...a friend. A friend whose face she can't make out, whose name has been lost to her for many years.Her first clear memory is the face of a woman--a mentor and guardian who took her under the wing of the greatest galactic empire in existence, the First Order. Grand Admiral Maeve Quintan.Now under the ward of the Grand Admiral, Juno serves the First Order as a lowly engineer, a cog in the giant machine--unimportant to any. But, when a not-so accidental accident occurs in front of the Commander himself, Juno is forced to remember her past and discover who she truly is.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)





	1. "Respect"

_Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick..._

Juno counted the ticks of her alarm clock, anticipating the loud beeping that would occur when it reached 05:00. _Just a couple more seconds..._

_BE--_

Juno swung her arm out, cutting off the noise before it could even ring once. She was faster than that. She wouldn't let a stupid alarm clock tell her what to do, even though it wasn't really like that. Waking up, like most other human functions, were designated at specific times by the higher ups. They told her when to wake up, when to eat breakfast, when to work, when to shower--

Her one freedom was defecation. As gross and silly as that was. 

Juno liked to make as much freedom for herself as possible, nevertheless. Even if that was waking up a few minutes before five. Even if that was taking a bathroom break. 

Sitting up from bed, she ran a hand through her hair. The only time it was allowed to be down was in her private quarters--again, dictated by the higher ups. And despite how knotty it tended to get, she would suffer through brushing it every morning if it meant a little more freedom. 

Juno got up, stretching out her arms and letting out a feline yawn. It was always rough getting up this early, but she had gotten used to it over the years. Her body had adjusted. Plus, the cafeteria served gallons of _caf,_ her one delicacy among the nutritionally-balanced goop they called breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

With the promise of a steaming hot cup of _caf,_ she headed into the bathroom, turning on the hot water. As it took a couple of minutes to warm up, Juno stripped out of her pajama set--a plain, white cotton tank top and shorts. She stared at her expression in the mirror, tracing the lines of her under eyes, dotting the dimples that appeared when she smiled. 

Juno wasn't being modest when she said she was quite plain. It wasn't her fault--most women in the First Order were, there being no time for vanity when the galaxy needed regulating. If she had time to apply cosmetics, do her hair, she would have been one of the hottest girls on the whole Star Destroyer. 

Alas, engineers were denied the privilege of looking pretty. It wasn't like they needed to be, anyway. 

Finally stepping into the shower, Juno sighed as the warm water ran over her skin. Her one impressive feature, despite the lack of cosmetics, was her complexion. Gloriously tan, like the sun followed her wherever she went. It was dark in space--it was dark in the Star Destroyer generally--but her genetics gave her that one present, a golden glow. 

With her chestnut hair and amber eyes, Juno could only dream of how nice she could've looked. If only she were adopted by a Senator, instead--but it wasn't like those existed anymore. 

Instead, Juno was the ward of Grand Admiral Maeve Quintan, one of the fiercest figures in the whole First Order. Juno admired the Grand Admiral--her ambition, her loyalty to the Order. She was one of the most hard-working people Juno ever met. 

How she had come into the care of the Grand Admiral, well, that was a long story. It was safe to say though, that Maeve Quintan was the first memory she had. Her face, her arms carrying her from certain death. The Grand Admiral was her hero. Juno owed... _everything_ to her. 

She had taught Juno how to control the nightmares she had, how to process them, so they wouldn't cripple her life, her work anymore. And while there wasn't time for any motherly affection, the Grand Admiral did make sure she was taken care of. For that, she would be eternally grateful. 

Though, the Grand Admiral's care did come with a price--Juno was a full-working member of the First Order. She had picked up engineer work easily upon her arrival and now, she knew the systems of every ship inside and out. Better than any droid could. 

And as a full-working member, Juno knew she couldn't dilly dally in the shower. Breakfast was at 05:30, and she planned on getting there with enough time to eat. 

After a thorough scrubbing, Juno got out of the shower, toweling herself dry. She brushed her hair as she tugged on a pair of underwear, brushed her teeth as the tight, cotton fabric First Order ladies knew as a _"force-crusher"_ slipped over her chest, keeping the _girls_ in check. 

Her gray jumpsuit was on a moment later, Juno buttoning up the front to her chest, rolling up the sleeves to her elbows. She pulled on her steel-toed boots, lacing them up tightly, then clipping her utility belt around her waist. 

The look was almost complete--all it needed was for her hair to be up, Juno settling on a high ponytail. 

She glanced at the clock by her bed: 05:27. Perfectly timed. 

The door of her pod whirred, sliding to the side on its own to let her through. Juno walked into the hall, just as a bunch of other technicians did, all on their way to the cafeteria. 

The moment she got there, Juno bee-lined for the _caf,_ filling a steel mug to the brim. When she was younger, she couldn't bear drinking it without a little sweetener. Now, however, she quite liked it black. 

A cup of _caf_ in one hand and a tray of gray goop in the other, Juno made her way to the table she always sat at--familiar faces all waiting for her to join them. 

"Look who's up on time," Tall, dark, and handsome Raem Armanis teased, his smirk lighting up the room. 

Juno thought he was very attractive. And sure, maybe sometimes she fantasized what it'd be like to be in a relationship with him. 

All feelings of romance were crushed, however, when the terrifying scowl of Maeve Quintan marred any handsomeness Raem harbored. It wasn't an exaggeration to say that the Grand Admiral would _murder_ her if she were ever to get into relations with _anyone._ Especially a co-worker. 

"It was _one_ time," Juno scowled, taking a seat next to her only female friend--Sawyer Thorne. Her scowl disappeared when Sawyer leaned against her, resting her head against Juno's shoulder. 

If Juno wasn't a morning person, Sawyer _really_ wasn't a morning person. 

"It still happened," Raem shrugged, eating a spoonful of goop without an ounce of hesitation. "And I plan to capitalize on the humor of your failure for as long as I live." 

" _Dick,_ " Juno shook her head, chuckling nevertheless. She peered down at Sawyer, smiling, offering her the cup of _caf._

"Want some?" 

Sawyer shook her head, her thin, black hair covering her face like a sheet. She hadn't even bothered to put up her hair yet. 

Juno sat her up before any officer could come in and terrorize her for being out of uniform, running her fingers through the long tresses and beginning a sturdy, tight braid. 

"What would I do without you, June?" Sawyer gratefully remarked, tilting her head back when Juno finished, grinning sheepishly. 

"Get reprimanded by Officer Cain. Or worse--the Commander himself." 

"You really think Commander Ren would care to trifle with the state of a woman's hair?" Sawyer's brow arched with skepticism. 

"I doubt Commander Ren has even _looked_ at a woman for more than ten seconds," Raem added, impishly grinning. "If so, probably because they were a Rebel spy whose brain he needed to squash with his creepy Sith powers." 

"The Force belongs to anyone with enough midi-chlorians," Juno corrected. "They aren't creepy Sith powers, the capability belongs to the Jedi, too." 

"Haha, yeah," Raem rolled his eyes. "Like Jedi even exist anymore. They're just a stupid fairy tale made to inspire disorder in people who want to defy the First Order." 

"You don't know that," Sawyer replied. "Jedi could still exist."

At the talk of Jedi, something fluttered in the pit of Juno's stomach. It was like she was remembering something, but also forgetting something...

Raem and Sawyer's chatter turned into white noise as Juno tried to think, to determine what it was that she had forgotten. Perhaps it was a memory, like the memories she saw in her dreams...

"Don't you have lunch with Grand Admiral Quintan today?" 

Sawyer's reminder pulled Juno out of her thoughts, a grateful smile decorating her face as she nodded. 

That's what she had forgotten. 

Once a month, the Grand Admiral liked to have lunch with Juno--to check up on her, see how she was doing, how her work was going. Most times, Juno didn't even see the Grand Admiral, especially not outside of working hours. These meals offered her a chance to prove herself to Maeve...to reassure her that Juno was still worth keeping around. 

A soft ding echoed through the cafeteria, signaling the end of breakfast--06:00. Time to get to work. 

Getting up from the bench she sat on, Juno forced herself to eat another bite of goop before chugging down the rest of her _caf,_ knowing she would be a pain to work with if she was under-caffeinated rather than hungry. 

"So, we working on TIE fighters today?" Raem asked. 

Juno groaned. " _Yes._ " 

\- - -

Juno was let off work early, in order to get ready for her lunch with the Grand Admiral. After hours of fixing broken TIE fighters, she was glad for the break--getting time to tidy herself up before seeing Maeve. 

Oil and dirt smudged her face, her arms--an impressive spill created a giant stain on the front of her jumper, much to Juno's chagrin. 

Juno stepped into her pod, throwing her dirty jumper on the bed for the time being. She grabbed a washcloth, running it under the sink so she could wipe the dirt away, making quick work of her appearance. While she had been let off early, it wasn't _that_ early--

A glance at the alarm clock told her that it was 12:35. Her lunch was at 12:45. 

Slipping on a plain, gray dress--with quarter-length sleeves and a hem to her knees, which was actually supposed to reach her calves--she pulled on a rather small pair of flats, worn ever since she had come to the First Order and had her first lunch with Maeve. 

The dress fit her just as horribly, but it would do. She had to look decent in front of the Grand Admiral, and an engineer's uniform wasn't something anyone would consider formal. 

At 12:41, Juno was out the door once again, making her way to an elevator. The Grand Admiral's quarters, as well as all the quarters of the higher ups, were on the top floor. 

She stepped inside, clicking the button for the very top. 

The only sound Juno could hear when she closed her eyes was the mechanical whirring of the elevator, taking a moment to enjoy that slight silence. But when the elevator stopped a few seconds too short of the top floor, her eyes quickly opened. 

Her heart beat so fast, it tried to break out of her chest as Commander Ren stalked into the elevator, followed by a couple officers. 

Juno tried not to stare, but she was so shocked--so nervous. She had never seen the Commander in person, not once throughout the years she had been there. 

Juno felt the intense desire to see what was behind his mask curl in her stomach as the elevator doors whirred shut, making them ascend to the top floor once more. 

"Are you not going to address me?"

"What?" Juno blurted out before she could even think of a rational response. Even though the Commander wore a mask, she could sense the glowering expression he must've given her, anger practically radiating off of him. 

"I said," The Commander's voice scowled for him, as he repeated himself. "Are you not going to address me, _cadet?_ " 

"Oh--sorry, I'm--" A stuttering mess, Juno tried to ignore the panic flashing like a strobe light through her vision as she corrected herself. "My apologies, sir-- _Commander!_ " 

His silence was worse than the cruel response she expected. Juno felt like every inch of her was being inspected as his hidden stare examined her, trying to find a reason to slit her throat with that wickedly awesome but incredibly deadly saber...

"What is your name?" Commander Ren asked. "Your commanding officer will know of your failure to address your superiors with the right respect." 

Juno frowned--she really didn't need a reason to get in trouble with Officer Cain. He was a dick even when she wasn't in hot water. 

"Juno, sir," She answered, bowing her head with disappointment. "Juno Quintan." 

"Juno?" 

The question in his automated voice made her look at him once again. He once again was silent, the mystery behind what he was looking at in his mask making Juno frustrated. 

"Yes?" 

"No, I--" Commander Ren shook his head, abandoning the thought. "You are the ward of Grand Admiral Quintan, correct?" 

Juno nodded. "Yes, sir." 

"Hm." 

That sound was the last she heard of Commander Ren's voice--but the effects of it, the low, dark, forceful cadence commanded the utmost respect. Hell, if she had a voice like that, she would definitely be taken more seriously. 

He rushed out of the elevator the moment the doors opened, his squad of officers trailing behind him, having to chase after the Commander because of how quickly he walked. 

Thankfully, Juno was headed in the other direction. She allowed herself a few deep breaths to calm down, hoping that Maeve wouldn't find out about her... _mishap._ As long as she acted normal, Maeve wouldn't suspect that anything had happened. 

However, Juno couldn't ignore the fact that her heart kept racing, even as she entered Grand Admiral Quintan's private quarters. 


	2. "No Control"

"You seem to be performing quite well in the repair sector," Maeve spoke, using her knife and fork to carve out a bite of claw fish. 

Juno examined her for a second, her eyes lingering over the gray streak in her dark, curly hair. Lowering her gaze, she took a bite of the claw fish as well. 

Maeve was getting older, that was certain...perhaps the age Juno's real mother would've been. 

"Thank you, ma'am," Juno swallowed thickly, smiling. 

"I am certainly glad to see that my protege is serving the First Order well." Grabbing her glass of Corellian wine, Maeve took a small sip. "It is a true testament to anyone that everyone has a place serving the Supreme Leader." 

Juno nodded. She wanted to believe the truth of the Grand Admiral's words. She wanted to believe that she was meaningful, that she was showing her true worth as a First Order engineer. After all, without her, how would any of the ships get repaired? 

How would the _Commander's?_

Thoughts of the encounter she had with the Commander weighed heavy on her mind. She didn't know why--Juno wasn't the type to get very worked up about anytime she got in trouble, even if Sloane would make her pay if she got word of insubordination. 

As long as Juno was good, as long as she followed the rules, she was taken care of. Clothed, fed, housed. She didn't need the freedom she craved. She just needed to follow the rules. 

"Ma'am," Juno suddenly blurted out, setting her silverware down on the table. The alarm made Maeve look up from her own dish, providing Juno with the Grand Admiral's undivided attention. 

"Do you remember the Jedi?" 

An angry look appeared on Maeve's face. Juno knew she had made a big mistake the more Maeve's intense, terrifying stare pierced into her. 

"Yes," She spat. "Foolish, selfish zealots who have no business existing in this galaxy. Why are you asking?" 

"Oh, well, no reason in particular--" 

"Do not lie to me, Juno," Maeve interrupted, even angrier than before. "You have no business thinking of such things when you have a job to do here, serving the First Order. Do not ask me again." 

"Yes, ma'am," Juno sputtered immediately after her, nodding profusely. She took another bite of fish, guilt wiping away her appetite, nonetheless. "Sorry, ma'am." 

There was thick tension between the two of them as silence fell over the room, the only sound being the clattering of silverware. The silence was only interrupted when Maeve spoke again,

"That dress is ill-fitting. I shall order a new one for you when I am offered the chance. As well as new shoes." 

"Thank you, ma'am," Juno smiled. She couldn't shake off the fear that continued to rattle her bones, every action she took, every word she said carefully planned. There were dire consequences whenever Juno did decide to speak her mind...a lesson she had learned long ago. 

\- - -

"Hey! How was lunch?" 

Juno looked up as Sawyer's voice echoed through the base floor of the Star Destroyer--her team, Raem, her, and Sawyer, all busy working on a particular TIE fighter...Commander Ren's TIE fighter. 

"It was alright," Juno replied, tying up her hair before getting back to work, her job being to encode some program on the ballistics interface. She sat down in the front seat, typing at the screen in front of her. "We ate claw fish." 

"Lucky! I haven't had anything other than that disgusting cafeteria food in _ages,_ " Sawyer commented. Juno acknowledged her, but she was very much stuck in her own thoughts still...

She didn't want to get distracted, afraid she'd mess something up, but images began to flash in front of her eyes. At first they were blobs of color, as unidentifiable voices filled her ears with chatter, but then--

_"Stop it, Bumble Bee!"_

_"I'm gonna sting you, June Bug!"_

Something--some _force--_ collided into her, feeling like a punch to the gut. Juno instantly snapped out of the vision, the image of a set of such piercing, dark brown eyes lingering under her eyelids. 

"Juno!" Sawyer approached her, her expression filled with the utmost concern. "Are you alright?" 

"What happened?" Raem questioned. 

"I...I don't know," Juno admitted, shaking the visions out of her head. She needed clarity, she needed to _focus._ She was letting her dreams control her again. If they got out of hand, Maeve would not be pleased. 

"But, I'm okay. Everything's fine. Just get back to work before Cain comes." 

" _Too late._ " 

The three of them immediately swiveled around, looking at their commanding officer with guilty expressions. From his point of view, it probably looked like they were goofing off, which meant bad things for the team...

"We're sorry, sir, Juno just wasn't feeling well," Sawyer explained. "We just wanted to make sure she's alright." 

"If she wasn't feeling well, she should have dealt with it herself." Cain had no mood for excuses as he walked forward, examining the screen in front of them. He looked over all the contents, nodding over all of the contents. 

"At least you all are competent. Get back to work-- _now._ " 

The three of them nodding, only feeling a moment of relief once Cain had left. Juno sighed, blowing out a puff of air. She had no idea what she had just experienced, but she knew she needed to train more when she got back to her pod that evening. 

\- - -

22:00. Bedtime. 

Juno had never been more relieved to get off of duty as she shuffled into her pod for the night, the door automatically whirring shut behind her. Stripping out of her once again dirtied jumper, she pulled on her pajamas, letting her hair loose from its tail. 

Juno lingered in the bathroom mirror, once again gazing at her reflection. She stared into her hazy, amber eyes--searching for an answer to something. Anything. 

Why did she have a vision, and why was it interrupted like that?

Why did Maeve not want to talk to her about the Jedi?

Why was she still thinking about her encounter with the Commander? 

Coming up empty handed, Juno growled with frustration, dousing her face with a handful of cold water. The brisk temperature sent shivers down her spine, even as she dried her face. 

Juno walked to her bed, and with a wave over a touch pad, all of the lights in her pod shut off. The red glow of her bedside alarm was the only source of light in the small room, displaying the time--22:18. 

She needed to go to bed soon, but first, she needed to train her mind to tackle the visions that were sure to come. Otherwise, Juno wasn't sure if she'd be able to face the memories that would appear. 

Sitting up cross-legged atop the mattress, Juno folded her hands atop her lap, closing her eyes. She took a deep breath, letting her breath fill her entire body. 

In and out. 

In and out.

In and--

_"I can't believe this...why? You know it's forbidden."_

_"It doesn't matter. The Jedi now don't have to follow the same rules the Jedi did back then. We should be allowed--"_

_"Don't you know how much I want to say yes?"_

Juno's eyes shot open--not from a sensation like a punch to the gut, but because of her own accord. Because the voices she heard, for the first time ever, sounded familiar. They weren't strangers anymore. 

She just didn't know exactly _who._

\- - -

As hot water trickled down every limb, dripping onto the shower floor, Juno tried to process the dream she had the previous night. 

Most nights, one of three visions appeared before her. 

Red clay steppes. A tent on fire. A friend. 

The friend was the most intriguing one, though. She couldn't see a face. She couldn't see anything but an outline...an outline, a person, shining under the afternoon sun. 

Juno assumed it was a friend. It didn't seem like a menacing figure in her life. It was her biggest question, the one thing she wanted to know about her past. She would've forsaken the identity of her parents, the identity she had as a child...as a teenager. 

It was like she was born at age twenty. 

Maeve told her that her past didn't matter. That who she was before didn't make her a better asset to the First Order, so it _really_ didn't matter in that case. 

But, was Juno so wrong in being curious? In wanting to know who she really was? 

Her three commonly occurring dreams were her three solid clues. She just had no idea how all of those things connected together. 

The previous night, Juno had seen the red clay steppes. They were tall, mountainous, with all sorts of different flora growing in their ridges. The sun was high in the sky, able to peek into the cavern she stood in. Showing just how red the clay was, even as it was smeared all over her hands...

Then the vision ended. And Juno woke up. 

Shutting off the water, Juno tried her best to sober up. To not let her visions distract her, even after the confusing day she had yesterday. 

However, Juno had just run out of luck. 

She cursed as the clock read 05:50. Ten minutes before work. Had she really just spent almost an hour _daydreaming?_

Juno knew she'd need to train more, and better, as she hurriedly got dressed--very distraught that a morning cup of _caf_ would no longer be on her agenda. 

\- - -

Running as fast as she could, Juno tried to sprint to her workstation--day two of working on Commander Ren's TIE fighter. Raem and Sawyer looked relieved to see her, but the relief soon faded when the marching of a cluster of boots signaled higher up inspection. 

Juno really cursed her bad luck, as it seemed the day could only get worse. 

She got to her co-workers' sides just as the gaggle of officers approached, but it wasn't just officers--Commander Ren was there personally. 

The urge to scream a whole bunch of nasty curses made Juno want to go crazy, since she knew she couldn't. After her previous encounter with the Commander, Juno hoped to fade back into the woodwork, never seeing him again. 

But here he was. His hidden stare still feeling like a bunch of sharp needles, pricking every goosebump on her skin. 

"Team, Commander Ren has requested a demonstration of his enhanced ballistics technology," Officer Cain spoke to them, no ounce of warmth in his frigid, placid tone. "I believe you were in charge of that, Cadet Quintan." 

It took a second for Cain's order to sink in, but when Juno realized what that meant, she leapt forward--telling Raem and Sawyer to keep an eye over the interface so she could show a demonstration of the aerodynamic factors of the blaster. 

"Yes, um, if you'll follow me, Commander--" Juno requested, never a command. Commander Ren stalked behind her silently as they stood underneath the barrel of the blaster, able to watch the mechanics and how fast it was able to swivel to hit a new point. 

The Commander's presence was dizzying. It engulfed her like a wave of blackness, sucking the consciousness from her mind. There was something comforting about that loss of control with him around, like something inside of her desired more than anything to place every ounce of trust in his actions. 

Juno looked at him. For a moment, it felt like their eyes met, even though the Commander was wearing his mask. She searched him with her stare, trying to find the answers she asked her reflection...

"Well?" His gravelly, automated voice shot through the intensity Juno experienced. Still dizzy, but not wanting any trouble for her lack of efficiency, she tried to combat her spiteful body as she looked up at Raem and Sawyer. 

"My apologies, um--press the..." Juno blanked for a moment. What was the right command for an aerodynamics test? 

"Stop wasting my time, cadet," Commander Ren barked. 

"Second white button, third panel on the right," Juno amended, sheepishly smiling at the Commander. He didn't seem to take any amusement with that, his gaze still fixed forward as Sawyer did as told. 

Juno waited for the immediate swivel of the cannon, but the second it sprung backwards instead, she knew she had made the most stupid, idiotic, dire mistake. 

Aerodynamics was the third white button. Second was the emergency trigger--in case the controls were malfunctioning. 

She had just killed herself...and Commander Ren. 

In an instant, the moment Juno realized what she had done, she reached out for the Commander--pushing him as hard as she could away from her. She watched him stumble, slide across the sleek, metal floors, just before turning toward the bright flash of a laser--holding her hand out to protect her face, not that it mattered. 

Juno felt a massive energy inside herself thrumming, pulsating out of her like she had been shocked by electricity. She anticipated death but still tried willing the laser to not hit her, despite the accuracy of the blaster. It was pointed right at her, there was no way she wouldn't be shot--

A few seconds later, she wondered how she was still breathing. She wondered why she still smelled the scent of Commander Ren next to her--leather and embers. 

Every limb shook as she drew her hand away from above her face. Her eyes still squeezed shut, she felt the fire of an explosion lash out near her, stumbling forward onto the floor from the impact of the blast. Her nose collided with the cold metal, a crack and a burst of pain making her cry out. 

How was she still alive? How did that laser not obliterate her to pieces? 

A moment later, she felt Raem pick the back of her head up, Sawyer trying to stop her nose from bleeding. 

Yet her eyes rolled to the side, the last thing she saw being the mask of Commander Ren, staring down at her, before her vision went black. 


	3. "Strange Magic"

_"Stop it! Stop trying to guilt me into being someone I'm not!"_

_"You're already someone you're not!"_

Juno took one whiff of air and already knew where she was--the infirmary. She hadn't frequented the infirmary often, but the antiseptic stench was so thick, it was burned into her nostrils from few previous visits. 

For the first time in years, Juno hadn't had one of her three dreams. It was completely black, only voices speaking to her then. She continued to try and piece things together, but she knew her attempts were probably useless...

After the stunt she had pulled, almost getting Commander Ren killed by her orders, she didn't think she'd have much more time alive to figure it out. 

Opening her eyes, the harsh florescent lights made her close them quickly after--slowly adjusting to the brightness of the room. 

"June!"

Sawyer's voice was music to Juno's ears as she tried opening her eyes again, tilting her head to the side. Sure enough, Sawyer was seated beside her, holding onto her hand with both of her own. 

"Hey," Juno offered a pathetic attempt at a smile. "How come I'm not dead already?" 

"That blaster could've actually killed you! Don't joke about something so serious!" 

"I don't think she's talking about a death by blaster, Sawyer."

Another voice. Raem. 

"I'm not," Juno confirmed, dread for the future filling her stomach with heaviness. 

"You're okay for now, but--" Sawyer stalled on her words, it being obvious she didn't want to tell her friend the painful truth. 

"Both the Grand Admiral and Commander Ren have requested a private conference with you." 

" _Fuck,_ " Juno swore. She was toast. Charred, blackened, crumbling to pieces of burnt dust toast. 

If Maeve didn't kill her first, she was sure the Commander would finish the job. After all, it was Juno's fault that a part of his ship was destroyed...it was Juno's fault that he had almost died. Surely, they would work that out to be treason, even if it really wasn't intentional. 

"Maybe...maybe it'll be fine. They'll give you a reprimand, put you on suspension?" Sawyer tried to remain optimistic, but Juno found it hard to have the same sort of optimism. Not when it was her life on the line, and she was very familiar with one of the two people that were probably about to kill her. 

"Maybe," Juno sighed, her feelings obvious. She sat up from the bed, walking to the mirror in the corner of the room. 

Juno grimaced when she saw the thick, white bandage over the bridge of her nose--subtle, intense pain covering her entire face. She looked like a wreck. Eye bags puffier and darker than ever made her golden glow fade into olive pastiness. 

The door to her side whirred open, an officer she did not know approaching Juno. 

"The Grand Admiral has requested your presence in her private quarters." 

\- - -

Juno tried her hardest to think of the right words to say to Maeve the whole elevator ride up to the top floor. It was almost impossible to give that woman any sort of excuse, even if the excuse was a valid one, but Juno didn't want to die by her hands if she didn't have to. 

This time, her ride was uninterrupted by Commander Ren, even though Juno wanted the extra time loading on another floor would include. 

The walk to Maeve's private quarters felt like a death march, and as Juno was granted access, the metal automated doors sliding open, nothing but dread weighed down her already heavy-feeling body. 

"Juno?" The Grand Admiral's cruel voice summoned her forward. She obeyed, meeting Maeve in her living quarters. 

There wasn't much, other than a plain, black sofa and a matching coffee table. Interior design didn't matter, as Maeve wasn't in her quarters much...except to meet with her now. 

"Yes, ma'am?" Juno's voice squirmed through the thick silence. 

"I've gotten word of what occurred earlier today during Commander Ren's observation. I hear that your shortcomings almost got the Commander killed. And that you've managed to destroy a part of the ship. Is this the right story?" 

"I--" Juno struggled in vain. She knew any speech she tried to give would be useless. "Yes, ma'am. That's all true." 

"Do you know why I took you in, Juno? Gave you a home, a job, here in the First Order?" Maeve asked. 

"Yes, ma'am," Juno responded the automatic response that came, Maeve giving this speech anytime she got into trouble. "I was alone, abandoned, unloved. You took me in to give me a new life, a purpose." 

"And what is that purpose, Juno?" 

Tears welled in Juno's eyes--hot, thick, painful. The dread she felt earlier only increased, clear memories of past punishments reminding her of what was sure to come. 

"To serve the First Order." 

"Correct," Maeve smiled, but there was so much hidden venom behind it. Juno trembled as Maeve approached her, a long, obsidian nail lifting her chin to meet the Grand Admiral's _terrifying_ silver gaze. 

"Do you think you served the First Order today? By almost killing your Commander? By being a _failure?_ " 

Juno shook her head, more tears sliding down her reddened face. "No, ma'am." 

"Then something will have to happen to make amends for your failures. And we both know you cannot just stop working, not when there is so much that needs to be done." 

Maeve stepped back, clearing a path for her to walk to the wall across from them. 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Juno approached the metal wall with her tears now blinding her. It was the same punishment every time, but now, Juno knew it'd be ten times worse. 

Her hands shook uncontrollably as she peeled off her jumper, balling it up and clutching it in her arms. Juno faced the wall, pressing her forehead against it, stuffing the sleeve of her jumper in between her teeth--to protect them from breaking if she bit down too hard. 

Juno could only hear Maeve now--sobbing even harder as a buzz of electricity snapped on. She dreaded the pain, her fear compelling her to do something stupid before any blows could be delivered--

"I--I almost died, too." 

Juno hated how foolish her instincts were, to make her speak up like that. She wanted to ignore how much she cared that Maeve didn't seem at all phased by how close her death had been, even though she was her ward...

Why didn't Maeve hug her with relief? Why didn't Maeve take Juno into her arms, tell her how glad she was that Juno was still there? 

Was she that indispensable? 

"What did you say?" The Grand Admiral's voice was a low warning, dripping with a promise of cruelty. 

"Nothing, I'm so sorry, ma'am," Juno tried to correct, but before she could even get another word of apology out, there was a loud crack--immediately followed by a pain that felt like lava searing her skin. 

Juno cried out in pain, biting down on the rough fabric of her jumper. The new lash on her back was an addition to a collection of dozens, but the electricity was the worst part--not only did it hurt her back, but it shocked her at the same time, making all her limbs tremble. 

She wanted to crumble to the floor, but the punishment got worse if she fell. And now, all Juno needed was the lightest punishment possible. 

That didn't seem like an option though as Maeve whipped her again--Juno crying out in unison. 

"You are a _failure._ You are _pathetic."_ Maeve spat, whipping her ward again. 

"We don't need deficiencies in the First Order." 

\- - -

Juno had been kicked out of Maeve's private quarters thirty minutes later. Thirty minutes of torture, her suitable punishment for her behavior. 

At first, Juno convinced herself that she deserved it. Maeve could have kicked her out of the First Order, banished her to be who she was when Maeve found her--alone, abandoned, unloved. But the longer she had to stew over it, on her shameful walk back to her own quarters, the more Juno resented Maeve. 

The more the fact that Grand Admiral Quintan didn't give a _shit_ about her. No one did. 

The tears hadn't stopped, even as Juno tried to wipe them away as they came, to avoid scrupulous stares as she walked down the public hallways. The fresh lashes on her back, still dripping with blood, rubbed against the thick, coarse fabric of her jumper painfully. 

Juno wanted nothing more than to wash off the blood that coated her body and lay in bed, hoping that sleep would take away her immense pain. But like Maeve loved to remind her, there was still work to be done. 

Juno eyed a nearby clock, just near her pod. 20:42. Not bedtime yet. 

Before she could even get to her pod, just for a single moment to collect her bearings before facing Raem and Sawyer, another strange officer approached her. 

"Commander Ren requests your presence in his private quarters." 

That message didn't bode well. Juno was sick of visits to any quarters beside her own, feeling so heartbroken, so _numb..._ she just wanted sleep. She wanted to see her friend. 

However, the trouble she'd be in if she didn't go would surely warrant execution. So Juno mustered the courage, the energy, and went. Back into the elevator she had just gotten off, back up to the top floor. 

But instead of turning right, she turned left. 

Commander Ren's quarters were the last door on the right side of the hall. She had to know, in case any repairs needed to be made in those areas. 

The familiar whir of a metal door didn't sit well with Juno as she stepped into the room. Very dim light shone in the living quarters. Juno was unsure if he was there at all--or if she even should've been let in--but she walked forward with foolish curiosity, looking for any sight of the Commander. 

Juno froze when the Commander's figure was right before her, mere feet away. The same dizzying sensation crept over her, but as he pulled the mask off of his head, Juno couldn't help but suck up every scrupulous detail. 

The sharpness of his jaw, each freckle and mole that dotted his fair cheeks. The silken curls that fell down past his ears, that looked so soft Juno imagined herself running her fingers through that very hair. 

Commander Ren stared at her, his eyes so dark, it was like the night incarnate. Juno felt a pull from within her, a carnal demand for more as he stared at her, everything inside of her begging to be intoxicated by his innate darkness. 

His alluring, tempting, innate darkness that she wanted to help exploit her own. 

"Cadet--"

"I--I am so sorry," Juno instantly pulled herself from inside her mind, stumbling backwards anxiously. The pain that erupted from her back made her want to flee, afraid that the Commander would deliver the same punishments. 

That the Commander would tell her how much of a failure she was, too. 

"I should have said something--" 

" _Cadet._ " 

Juno instantly shut her mouth. His voice, no longer automated by the mask he wore, was still so deep...it still commanded the same respect. 

"You don't remember, do you?" 

Juno blinked. "Remember? What am I supposed to remember?" 

"Your past," He answered. "Who you truly are." 

"How did you..." Juno instinctively stepped forward. She was once again allured by his expression, drawn in by the shadow of his mystery. "How did you know that?" 

Commander Ren was silent for a moment. And while he was no longer wearing a mask, his expression was still unreadable. Every bit of logic told Juno to run away before he could punish her, but every urge kept her feet planted to the ground where she stood. 

"The Grand Admiral told of your condition when you arrived," Commander Ren spoke plainly. "After today's occurrences, however, I am under the belief that your past could hold the key to the power which lies within you. The power that is responsible for our being alive right now." 

"Sir, I--" Juno shook her head. She felt an oncoming vision, warbled voices filling her ears with dialogue--

"You feel it. You see it. You _hear_ it," He spoke, his voice cutting through the chatter, bringing everything back to normal. Juno had never felt so unburdened by her mind ever before...except now, except with Commander Ren. 

"I can feel it too." 

"What?" Juno gasped, searching him for answers once again. "You can?" 

He nodded. "Your visions, your dreams...they are not random. They are not insignificant." 

_Insignificant._ That's all Juno ever believed herself to be...insignificant. But here Commander Ren was, telling her that she _wasn't,_ telling her that she wasn't alone.

"Why..." Juno looked at the Commander with a desperate expression, the lightness that filled her chest from someone finally _understanding._ "Why are you telling me all this? Why aren't you executing me for my crimes...for my failure?"

She was surprised to hear him chuckle. It was slight--a low, sudden rumble of the chest. But it was laughter, nevertheless. 

"It would be foolish to kill you now," Commander Ren explained. "You...your power..." 

Her heart began to beat rapidly in her chest as he stepped forward, now inches away from her. Juno had known the Commander was tall, but now, as he towered above her--his gaze penetrating her own from heads above her. She felt locked in place, pinned down by the force he emanated. 

"You could be of much use to me, cadet." 

"Me?" Juno clutched a hand to her chest. "My...my power?" 

He nodded again. "Either you can face judgment from General Hux and the other officers, or you can agree to stop fighting what it is that seems to control you." 

Juno stepped back, hesitant to answer, but the Commander stepped forward. 

"Agree to obey me, to come under my instruction. To harness the power that the Grand Admiral only wants to destroy." 

"I-I'm not--" 

Juno backed up again, but when her scarred back hit the wall, she whimpered with pain--having to take a step forward. Commander Ren still only inches away from her. 

His stare saw right through her. Commander Ren's frown was deep as his eyes narrowed, aware of her pain. 

"She hurt you," He said. A part of Juno thought he might have been _angry_ , something like lightning flashing in his dark, intoxicating eyes. "She's been hurting you." 

"How did you--" 

"Don't let her," Commander Ren didn't wait for Juno to finish, not bothering with an answer. "I'm giving you the opportunity to become greater than her. To harness power she will never know...power she will always be forced to submit to." 

The thought of ambition--the thought of no longer accepting her place groveling at the feet of the Grand Admiral that didn't give a shit about her anyway--it was so very promising. Juno was scared to disobey, initially, but that feeling was something ingrained in her after years of torture. 

To become greater than Maeve? To make Maeve cower in fear whenever she walked into the room, instead of vice versa? That seemed impossible...unattainable. 

But here the Commander was, one of the most powerful men in the entire galaxy, offering her a chance at greatness. 

"Embrace your past, June," He spoke, the sound of her name--a nickname at that--come from his lips making something in the pit of her stomach twist with delight. "Harness your power." 

Juno looked the Commander straight in the eyes, only a single thread of doubt holding her back. In that moment, as if he knew, he spoke again, 

"Obey me and I can make you _important._ " 

The last thread snapped. Juno nodded her head carefully, not breaking the gaze of the Commander for a single moment. 

"I'm..." She couldn't help the smile that crept across her lips, the pain she felt immediately sweeter than ever before as blood dripped down her back. 

"I'm yours." 


End file.
